“first of the gang to die”
09/26/08
09/27/08
09/28/08
10/04/08
10/09/08
10/30/08
10/31/08
11/01/08
11/02/08
11/03/08
11/04/08
11/05/08
11/06/08
12/07/08
12/13/08
12/20/08
01/03/09
02/01/09
02/03/09
02/06/09
02/14/09
02/16/09
02/20/09
03/07/09
05/04/09
05/14/09
05/15/09
06/03/09
06/20/09
10/30/09
03/20/10
04/11/10
04/16/10
04/24/10
04/26/10
05/19/10
08/14/10
08/17/10
09/02/10
11/18/10
12/21/10
05/02/11
05/15/11
11/07/11
I can't sleep.
Monday, May 2, 2011 || 5/02/2011 10:34:00 PM
I hate it. I'm really going crazy. I can't even laugh about it. Not even one bit.
Because my head is really flooded with thoughts that are too foggy to understand or even hear.
i hate it that i don't have the enthusiasm to place those "♥DL, #1 fan" blah on the bottom of my post. I can't lie about how I feel nor can I express them.
I think I know why people cut. If I do cut, it's probably to see if i'm awake because i can't believe i'm living such a nightmare. Or maybe to prove how much the physical pain won't matter once you are already hurt deep within.
Caught in big waves of emotion right now.
I'm off to bed, bye.
I hate to say i told you so.
|| 5/02/2011 10:02:00 PM
I'm usually easily pleased, easily made happy.
But why is it that ever time I be happy, the good vibe only penetrates my head halfway and leaves me thinking that it is only temporary and i'd be sad again later.
I tried to do the things that always made me happy again, but it doesn't seem to work. I've been trying for too long. It's either there's really no way to make me happy again or maybe i'm not trying hard enough.
Weird enough, i don't know where all this is coming from. So i have no way how to solve.
I even think i should consult a therapist, haha.
It's kinda hard to sleep with these thoughts.
I write these here because this is a place no one else sees.
I thought i'd write it in my soup account, a place where most people write to rant.
But no, i can't feel like putting them either. I feel like i'm retracting into a shell.
I can't reblog sad posts anymore. I can't open up to anyone anymore.
I just wish i could be anonymous for awhile and say all the shit i need to do so.
but i'm scared that won't make me feel better.
I'm afraid of too many things, best wishes to myself for now is all i can say.
